Moon light shine bright....

Today is lantern festival... and I hardly feel the festive season at all... no idea is it getting old, no longer will do silly stuff like we use to do when we were young... I remember last time a few good friends of us - B,D,E & me will gather together near our estate to eat mooncakes,drink tea, play candles and carry lanterns. Long gone the day, where you will be happy with just candles lighted around you... with just the big round moon shining down on us.... thinking back really miss those days... I remember the last time I spend mooncake festival is on the beach... someone make a huge heart made of lighted candle on the sandy beach... you can hear people lighting the sparking sticks, making the weeeeeeeeee... sound as they throw them out into the sea... now even the neighborhood is quiet... no idea is it a weekday thats why no one bother to celebrate... the last time I went to Chinese garden to see the lanterns were many years back also... guess nothing fantastic and worth to go and see also...looking out into the window the moon still shine as big and bright... but is getting quieter nowsaday...

Gary Jules Mad World

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very
Mad World
Mad world
[Mad World lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]

Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
And I feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very
Mad World
Mad World
Enlarging your world
Mad World.

Life is fragile...

Yesterday night I suddenly felt that life can be so fragile.... and many time we often take the people aroud us for granted... we always felt that nevermind, there will be always the next time... the next next time... but some time there won't be a next time again for what you know... you won't know when you will be gone... Yesterday night I went to pay my last visit to my friend's mon in the hospital... seeing her lying motionless on the bed felt like she is a baby sound a sleep... she will wake up...she is just a sleep... but she is not going to wake up no one... she is brain dead when we are there to see her yesterday night... machines are surrounding her, tubes are all over her- out from her mouth, from her hands etc; just to keep her organs alive so that they can havest them this morning... I could not hold my tears when I saw her lying on the bed... althought I hardly know her but she is my friend mother and the last time I see her which is a few months ago... she is still laove bouncing and helping my friend selling his t-shirt at timble... every things happen so fast YL said to me... on sat she is still cooking dinner with her and say she will teach her how to cook, etc and on monday morning when she is about to get to work she felt a sharp pain at the back of her neck, asked her husband to call teh ambulance, she still can talk to the medic when they arrive and on the way to the hospital she lost conscious... and since then she never woke up... twice the doctors have pronounced brain dead... I went to the hospital with a heavy heart... I din't expect this to happen at all, as I thought she will pull it through... I thought is just a minor stroke... never to expect I will be there to witness death...

Suddenly all these kicks in and I suddenly feel like rushing home and give my mum a hug and say I love her... I suddenly feel that we are taking things for granted from our family that sometime we din't realise they are so important... always felt that they are so naggy, wish they don't come and bug you, etc Is only yesterday that I felt that don't take your parent for granted... love them like they love you every day... there is only one life... and one life time to love them... once the time is up... you won't feel regreted for not loving them... I love you mum!~!~

Irrational Vs rational

We have a little dispute over some petty issues for the past 2 days... it's the first time that has happened to my relationship and the first time since we are together... I have no idea why also... petty issues such as driving, understanding, etc was never an issue to me... I'm always there to open myself and communicate what I want... usually is the other half that need time to open themselves up, and I will always there by their side to tell them to communicate with me, In order for the relationship to work is to communicate in order to understand etc.. but this time round I'm totally close up in my relationship... afraid to communicate... afraid to speak my thoughts... afraid to give... afraid to know... I'm always constantly calculating my every step I move forward... only to find myself moving 3 step forward, 2 step back... I'm like a hermit crab, carrying a heavy shell on my back... the minute I see movement I run back into my shell to hide... why am I so afraid??
I'm afraid of losing again... the feeling of left alone... to die is terrible... and its because of that my thoughts are blinded by these pain that may or may not exist in the first place... why my heart feel so heavy now... like it's been chained down, bolted shut tight... Qi told me love is irrational... if it become rational you are not loving... its true I agree with her... but been irrational I had pay a big price for it... but in the first place I should not be calculative about it... its a choice of my own... I choose to love them... and no body will know where the path will led to eventually... love is something that you have to constantly take care of... in order for it to grow well and good. Those who mend it well, see the result of their labour. Although some mend it well but he/she fail to see that the condition around it fails to make it grown healthily. Why guard myself so much, when I know that whatever path it goes eventually depend on how we work together to make this love grow strong... even it fail.. no one is to blame just that one decided to take a rest and don't want to take care of it anymore... just like you only live your life once... once love pass.. it will never come back again... so why waste the energy to ponder whether to plant the seed of love in your heart, when there is someone there in front of you holding your hand together, waiting for you to garden the seed of love with him... some one who is willing to share his garden knowledge to teach and learn together with you how to mend this love...
He is in fact a very different person that I have come across my path... all of them I met are injured road passer that I came across on my path... people that I tried my best to save them, to make them understand that love is in the air and bring them together as I walk down the road... hoping that one day they will love you back just like the day I set my eyes on them when they are lying on my path... unlike him... he is there to set his arm open to welcome me into his arm.. and ask me to walk down the road together... his not afraid of the rough road ahead that may or may not exist... all he asked for is to hold on to his hand and walk together... thats why he is special than the others I have met... and I was blinded by my fear and doubts... now I am standing at the cross road... to risk or not to risk... both road led to unknown....... I think my thought is clear and I have made my decision...